Not my baby anymore...

No, you don't think bukan2 about this title ye...

It's just that I have to let go this feeling... I have to accept the fact that my boy is not a baby anymore... Maybe sbb aku n En. A ter overprotected kt Ammar selama ni agaknya. Having a special kid, you can't afford not to feel that way, for us, he'll always gonna be a 'baby'...

Lately aku baru sedar pelan2... I feel like talking to someone else instead of to a boy named Ammar, sbb aku rasa when I talk to him dia mula nak tengok kt mata aku... dan mula nak 'berlawan cakap' (and melawan ckp mak), oui, seram gek aku rasanya.... maybe bcoz I'm so used to the ignorance... but the mood keep changing from one time to another... I don't know how it feels like having a normal kid, so it's a huge thing when this special kid starts talking back to you...the sign is everywhere yg membuatkan aku sedar benda ni..

yang buatkan aku sedar benda ni bila he started to convey a message (yippie..), yesterday after I picked him up at nursery. Dia kata, Ummi, esok ada Gerko... (aku dah tau pun sbb cikgu dah sms pagi tu). Then he handed me a letter from school saying, 'ni, ada surat, cikgu Suhaili soh bagi kt mak.." , oui, I feel like crying... really, he talked sooooo like a normal kid, and I feel WONDERFUL and PERFECT and FULFILLED. I dont care, sbb maybe bagi mak2 kt luar sana tu benda ni amatlah biasanya, but for me, it's like I have just passed an exam with flying colors!! Sbb selama ni kalau aku tak menyelongkar beg sekolahnya maknanya haram nak tau apa keje sekolah dia, apa aktiviti sekolah dia, etc. Pernah masa dia kt kindergarten, subuh2 sepi'i tu kami pi hantar kt sekolah tengok2 sekolah lengang...kata guard tu, la, tak tau ke cuti sekolah ni...hempszz..hargham.....

previous incident masa Ayah dia hantar kt sekolah last week, En. A cerita masa sampai kt koridor dia kata 'stop, stop.... babai....', wah dia takmau Ayah dia hantar kt kelas, berlagak betul... aku teringat citer anak mat saleh yg sekolah rendah selalu malu kalau parents hantar ke dalam sekolah, atau parents kiss depan kekawan... couple of days ago, Ayah dia bawak dia round2 naik moto keliling taman lepas balik koje...(once in a blue moon la En. A tu), then my niece kata , makndak, pakndak bawak Ammar naik moto dok kt depan (atas raga) lagi ke?. pas tu dia gelak... lawak la dah besar dok depan.... then aku terpikir, betul jugak tu, saiz yg nak remaja tu takkan le dok depan lagi... but that shows how we still think that he's still a baby... kind of overprotected feeling, manalah tau takut dia tersuperactive meloncat turun ke.., apa ke, somehow, what we didn't realised is that he's growing up, so fast pulak tu.... and we have to trust him that he already knows what is a good and bad that he must or musn't do...

actually, after incident dia jadi normal kejap semalam, 30 minutes later after we reached home, he turned back to the old Ammar! warghhh...he made my life miserable again.... couple of weeks ago, aku buat 2 user log in kt pc tu, sbb dia selalu mengucar kacirkan file aku n En. A, but being Ammar, always keen to make a trial and error (which always turn disaster), so dia deletekan habih file kt login dia dgn harapan aku bukak log in aku dan tgk apa lah program yg tak dek kt log in dia, dan dia teramat lah ingin tau password log in aku.... aku apa lagik naik hangin satu badan...sbb nti dia melalak soh copy balik game yg dia deletekan tu, aku tak kasik chan punya.... young man, you are grounded from using this pc, sekrang main le pc kosong ni....(aku pun tak jumpa mana lah letaknya recycle bin dia). And then selang 1/2 jam kemudian dia cool down balik dan 'baik' punya main game... aik! ini menguji tahap keintelektualan aku ni... tadi pueh aku carik kt ne lah fail yg dia hilangkan tu.. tup tup ada balik.... see... aku tau, disebalik sikap annoying dia tu sebenarnya tersembunyi some intelligence inside him.. I just don't know how to reach it...

this morning, bila aku hantar dia kt sekolah dah agak lewat, sume budak kelas dah pi kelas lain, then cikgu kata kt dia, 'Ammar pergi kelas cikgu Sofea,' lepas simpan beg dia menonong naik tingkat atas, aku tanya cikgu 'dia tau ke kt mana kelas tu?' cikgu senyum dan kata dia tau... aku tak puas hati, manalah tau dia mengagau gi mana2 kelas, pulak tu ada link koridor ke kelas lain, so aku terserempak lah ngan sort of ketua kelas dia, Kit Soon, aku tanya, kelas cikgu Sofea kt ne? Kit Soon kata, tau, come, I show you, aku maleh nak naik tangga so tunggu dari bawah je, si Kit Soon yg lurus bendul ni pun tanya lah cikgu dr luar kelas, Ammar ada tak? Then dia laungkan kt aku dr atas tu, ada... n terus masuk kelas. aisey, aku tak sedap ati, entah2 ye ke budak Kit Soon ni, so aku naik atas jenguk dan tanya cikgu tu sekali, cikgu tu senyum simpul je tgk aku yg teroverprotected ni... aisey, mak yong oi, bukannya baru sari dua dia sekolah kt situ pun... but my active and negative imagination started to imagine dia pi kelas lain la, dak pun pi kantin, dak pun keluo sekolah nak carik aku ker, mcm2 lah my stupid head ni pikir...

when I was in a car, I gave a deep thought, Yong, your son is not a baby anymore.....you have just gotta try to trust him...insyaAllah he'll be fine....my poor baby, May Allah protect you always....

my baby you...

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