Setiu revisited pt 1. Kisah hati....

 Kisah Hati...

 Even time won't heal when you lost someone you love so dearly at heart.
You can keep yourself busy with the house chores, doing some errands, etc. etc. but you just CAN'T get over with. And the memorable moments that you've shared with her/him will haunt you for the rest of your life. Now I know how it feels. My very own dear sister lives with tears every single day since her darling Hazim passed away. But how could she not? When she was cooking at the kitchen she swore she could still saw Hazim running here and there nearby, strangely talking about heaven non-stop few days before he left her forever, asking her mom whether he'll be in heaven or not if he died....when she was at the study area, she swore she could still saw him writing like a scholar when she told her son he'll be in heaven if he'd be a good boy, after she finished her solat, Hazim would approached her and gave a big hug and kiss saying he loved her so so biggg... and at nights...cruel, lonely nights, she still could feel the warmth of his body snuggling at her... how could she get over with???? dear God, please give her strength, for I, will collapse had I'd be in her place.

 Life could be so mean. Tapi jangan pernah menyalahkan takdir Illahi. Dia perancang yang terbaik, hidup kita telah di aturNya dengan elok. Tidak dia jadikan sesuatu tanpa sebab. Dia menghadirkan pelangi setelah hujan turun. Dia menghadirkan debunga harum lagi cantik setelah usai musim salju yang dingin...

As promised, we spent our unplanned holidays at Setiu, my sister's hidden 'palace' (well it's not a palace physically but our home is our palace no matter how small it is right). We intended to cheer them up. I've tried so hard to avoid any conversation that might related to arwah. Well atleast I could, but not her. Every single thing yg kami cakap akan terkeluar pasal arwah. Tgh happy masak2 tiba2 dia akan ckp, kt sini lah Hazim selalu lalu lalang kalau aku masak...terbayang2 lagi dia berlari anak kt sini.... and then she started to cry... nama Hazim tak pernah lekang dibibir... dia ckp nak buat macamana... budak tgh pandai itu ini, aku balik keje ada je dia yg sambut, bagi report itu ini apa yg jadik.... tidur pulak di hari2 terakhir hidupnya nak berkepit dgn aku je... masih rasa lagi hangat dia peluk aku....and then...he kept asking about heaven, last time dia tanya about heaven, 'mak,kalau adik mati nanti adik masuk syurga tak?' akak aku ckp, kena jadi budak baik, ikut ckp mak, tak tinggal sembahyang, rajin belajar... terus dia ambil buku nak baca, pulak tu pilih buku English... why English book?asked her mom... tak per lah kata arwah... di hari2 terakhir hidupnya juga dia kata dia takut tidur sorang... kata akak aku mmg dia agak ketakutan as if he saw something... so dia tido dgn akak aku, peluk kemas2... allahuakbar kata aku dlm hati... macamanalah akak aku tak separuh mati bila anak dia pergi... her son dah banyak bagi hint kt dia before dia pergi utk selamanya.....i held back my tears each time she talked about arwah sambil airmata berjuraian di pipi....berat betul dugaan dia...hanya sekejapan sahaja Allah pinjamkan Hazim pada dia, segala yang baik ada pada arwah, rajin solat tanpa disuruh, brilliant boy....tapi yang baik itulah yang Allah lebih sayang...

wet morning at Setiu.... monsoon season again... se gloomy hati tuan rumah.... everything looked abandoned.... cat pun dah pudar...akak aku kata dia tak suka hujan, hujan buat hati dia menangis...she's a school teacher, at the same time runs few businesses with his hb, cuti sekolah kali ni she can't stay home, dia takut jadi giler, she keeps herself bz with their shop lots in town, keluar pagi2 then late afternoon baru balik utk masak lunch, abang ipar aku, dari pagi sebuk kt klinik dia, balik utk lunch/dinner and then extend klinik dia sampai malam, that's how they keep themselves bz, tp hati tidak dapat dibohongi....you'll find empty spaces everywhere at home even though you still got 3 more children....

Kolam ni, tak pernah di refill airnya since Hazim passed away....

And Syirah... it's kinda miracle that she heals so fast, tp scar dia masih appealing...
 To be continued....

Comments

super sad...mencik tau...
somuffins said…
Yong
I pun tak suka bila cuaca muram esp bila nak hujan (bukan bermaksud tak suka rahmat Allah..bukan cenggitu); tapi cuaca memainkan peranan dimana mood dalaman mudah jer merundum.

I seolah2 faham dgn apa yg dirasa oleh your sister lebih2 lagi anak sendiri. My aruah abang pergi masa umur dia 53 tahun; and after 3 yrs he'd gone, kesedihannya masih terasa2 lagi oleh kami adik beradik. Allah knows best.
Salam..
Yong, suka tak suka kita kena lalui ujian Allah. Memang berat..yes,but only He knows best!
Maya Marisa said…
sayu nyer dengar cerita akak u yong. sapa tak sayang anak kan? even though she has another 3, tapi tak sama dengan yg dah pergi. each child tu kan unik.
semoga roh nya di tempat di kalangan org beriman...insyaAllah.
Yong Kamariah said…
dear Missy Azni,
I wrote this with juraian airmata also... so so sad bila dikenang2kan sob sob..

Cik Som dearie,
mmg le CS, bila time ujan je musti jiwa rasa meruntun tetiba kan...
I guess when it comes to anak sendiri mmg sedihnya lain sesangat...dialah yg kita kandung 9 bulan, menyusu, membesar, so attached ngan nyawa kita ibaratnya...sorry ab. your brother, moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat juga ya...amin
Yong Kamariah said…
kak Iha my dear,
you are so right, nak tak nak harungi jelah ujian dariNya...dia maha merancang lagi maha mengetahui..

Maya hon,
tq. Anak ibarat nyawa sendiri kan? sedangkan nyamuk gigit pun kita tak sanggup, ini pula taken away from our lives selamanya...but he Knows best bak kata kak Iha, betul tu, takkan sama yang hilang dgn apa yg ada, they are all unique in their own way...

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